Gigs's Gifts: Birthday 2016 -- Uncowventional
Another birthday fic, and a rather special one -- it represents my tenth anniversary of writing fics for her! Yeah, we've known each other over ten years, how about that. . . This one was inspired by a comment she left on one of my Dreamwidth journal entries about the phrase "I'll drink 2% milk when they make 2% cows!" and how a Touched biologist probably could make a 2% cow. Followed up by "Also, a brown cow that produces chocolate milk." I pounced on that last line, largely because I was pretty sure I'd heard of something similar in the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, and I'd already established Wonka as one of the local Touched. . . And it was a good excuse to give Lewis an airing, even if it makes the actual timeline of the ficlet a little fuzzy (just assume this happened before he died). I used "How Now Brown Cow" as a sort of title when I first posted it on Dreamwidth, but when it came time to list all the fics on this site, I came up with the pun you see above. Fits better, right?
"So – Mr. Wonka bred these cows himself?"
"With a little help from yours truly," Lewis said, smile bright and proud. "Never met him in person, but we shared a lively correspondence with the help of his staff. After I helped him crack the genetic codes he needed for the milk, I was guaranteed free milkshakes for life at any of his stores. Plus a previously-agreed-upon fee."
"I would have been happy with just the milkshakes," Victor confessed jokingly (. . .mostly), petting the nose of the deep brown cow. It mooed and waggled its ears. "Amazing. . .and it really produces chocolate milk?"
"Yup! Obviously the raw form still requires some processing, but – thanks to some very careful splicing with the cocoa plant – the flavor is there from the start! We did the same with other cows to make ones that produce strawberry milk, banana milk, and coffee milk! Though I don't think that last one turned out quite right. . . ." Lewis scratched his head, then shrugged. "On the other hand, I've never liked the taste of coffee."
Victor chuckled. "Me either, honestly. . .so why is Betsy here, then?" Said cow let out another loud moo. "I thought Mr. Wonka didn't like any of his Inventions getting out into the wild, even collaborations."
"Well, funny you should mention collaborations – we're trying something new, and Betsy is helping us," Lewis said, patting the cow's flank. "Mr. Wonka thinks it would be useful to have cows that you could milk right into candy-making molds. So we're looking for ways to up the chocolate content, for a start." He gave Victor a knowing grin. "Want to help?"
Victor's eyes lit up. "I would love to."
"With a little help from yours truly," Lewis said, smile bright and proud. "Never met him in person, but we shared a lively correspondence with the help of his staff. After I helped him crack the genetic codes he needed for the milk, I was guaranteed free milkshakes for life at any of his stores. Plus a previously-agreed-upon fee."
"I would have been happy with just the milkshakes," Victor confessed jokingly (. . .mostly), petting the nose of the deep brown cow. It mooed and waggled its ears. "Amazing. . .and it really produces chocolate milk?"
"Yup! Obviously the raw form still requires some processing, but – thanks to some very careful splicing with the cocoa plant – the flavor is there from the start! We did the same with other cows to make ones that produce strawberry milk, banana milk, and coffee milk! Though I don't think that last one turned out quite right. . . ." Lewis scratched his head, then shrugged. "On the other hand, I've never liked the taste of coffee."
Victor chuckled. "Me either, honestly. . .so why is Betsy here, then?" Said cow let out another loud moo. "I thought Mr. Wonka didn't like any of his Inventions getting out into the wild, even collaborations."
"Well, funny you should mention collaborations – we're trying something new, and Betsy is helping us," Lewis said, patting the cow's flank. "Mr. Wonka thinks it would be useful to have cows that you could milk right into candy-making molds. So we're looking for ways to up the chocolate content, for a start." He gave Victor a knowing grin. "Want to help?"
Victor's eyes lit up. "I would love to."